I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We had sex on a dog bed..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
