you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
