WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
