how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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