OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
