I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
