I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
