Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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