so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
