She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
