so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
