I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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