you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
