Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
