i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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