she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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