I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
