turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
