hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
