I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
