Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
