Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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