just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
