Your face is a jimmy john
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
