Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
