I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
