im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
