we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm having to shit out rocks
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