and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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