So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we're so committed to being not committed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
