My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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