He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
