I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
