You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
