i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
