There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
