I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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