ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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