im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
