my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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