Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
