yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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