She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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