dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
