it wasn't lemon gatorade
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
