i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
