Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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