Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
