Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
