Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
