i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
