I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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