very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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