Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
