I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
