when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
