It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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