I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
