come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
