her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
