Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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